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Real Emotion   
11:18pm 04/04/2004
  Real emotion... the feeling of, well, overwhelming sentimentality. It's rare that one is overcome by this intense feeling. I miss this feeling. It's been a long time since I've felt the complete "Disney" love. Compared to then, I feel like an empty shell. I look at my life instead of living it, which is sad, but true. I wonder if ever I will regain this lost type of emotion, I sincerely hope not... but I am really not sure that it will exist again. Perhaps I am being too melodramatic, actually, I probably am... but I don't mind. Anyway, I long for it... and hope it will come again before I leave my current realm.  
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Confession   
11:08pm 04/04/2004
  I am who I am. I am uncomprimising in that point. I don't pussyfoot around. I don't believe in comprimising myself at all. If someone doesn't like who I am, then tough. I am who I am and I stand resolute in this fact. If you don't like that I argue, then don't speak with me. I don't try to offend, but I don't dance around people's emotions. Sound harsh? Well sometimes it is. Sometimes I am called mean, I don't see this however. I can see how other people don't like that I'm honest with myself and them, but I refuse to care more about their emotions then my own person. Not to say that I don't care about them, that's not the truth. I do believe, however, that in order to be true to someone else, one must be true to yourself. These are my beliefs, if you feel like arguing your point, I'm open to discussion, but if not, then just deal with how I am.  
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Odd   
09:52pm 10/03/2004
  What happened that day he doesn't understand.
Two items of uneven value, it was all as was planned.
A neighbor with a boon even he could not obtain.
When this was held he almost goes insane.

Alas this is not the only trouble
Throw one more in to make it double
Mysterious and coveted this one is.
He wants it even though it is not his.

To make the situation this much worse
Toss in some fire with a grand burst.
No matter how much you try
This flame will not die
and now it comes back to haunt.		  
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Today was...   
10:11pm 17/02/2004
  Well, I had the strangest feeling all day. It's like I was living in the future of my own life, yet my mind was stuck about three months ago. Different images and feelings from the past kept shooting up in my mind, I didn't understand why, however it could have something to do with the dream I had about my ex. Who knows though... but yah. It affected me all day in visible ways. I was acting strangely and knew it, yet didn't do anything about it. Ces't la vie I suppose. That's the only real thing of note.... I had a great, yet short amount of time with Kristin today. She's always wonderful though. And after that Jenna and I got together and did HW. After eating hot dogs, but the HW was actually completed! which is good because I need to catch up. She's a good friend, glad to have her companionship. I hope everything works out for her in the end, she's too good a person for it not to. I was going to write another random excerpt.... but since I'm talking to people atm, I won't. Maybe next time. Later.  
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This weekend   
10:53pm 16/02/2004
  Well, to begin with, the shows on saturday went well, which is always nice. My actors did a great job methinks, maybe I'm biased though. Now for the good stuff.

Having found out it was going to rain really really sucked, but of course I prepared (meaning the night before I was paniced about what to do instead of the park). Finally I thought of the community center, great idea! But yah, so after the shows we left for Kobe, which was tasty as always then off to the community center. It wasn't ideal location, but somehow we managed to set a good atmosphere anyway. The candles, the hot (errr maybe lukewarm) chocolate, the company, and all that made for a great evening. Everytime I see her I am reminded more and more of why I'm in love with her.

Now onto my hell of a sunday. I got nothing accomplished, besides watching Jerry Maguire (which to my great consternation, I found I owned. Which means I watched commercials for no reason.) It was a great movie, as was expected, so that's nice. But then I went to the task of formatting my computer. Oh it was hell, hell I tell you. I try to fix it, you'd think it would want me to, but nooo, it fights me. I went toe to toe with this clunking heap, and it won. I rue the day I tangled with my computer. 6 hours and a day wasted. Luckily I still had another day off.

So Monday. Thank God I had monday off, or I'd feel cheated this weekend. After my defeat yesterday, I was a bit weary about sparring with Windows again, but this time, I came prepared. The funny guy with the accent from Dell knew his weakness, which I happily exploited, and I fixed it!!! No more virus! hahahahaha! But errr, yah.... so after I fixed my computer.. well, I finished the rest of the stuff I should have already had done. But of course it wasn't, when do I ever do anything? After doing that real work type thing, I arranged a date with Kristin for tonight. We saw Big Fish (great movie if you haven't seen it) and again, just looking at her during the movie. She's so amazing. I love her, I really really do. It's quite crazy, but hell, crazy is good. So now I am here and thus concluding my weekend with the bane of my existence, coloring.

Here's something random:

Trying to lift his head to see her as she turned away, he could think of nothing but the gutting cold in his stomach. His body dragged against the warm asphalt street as the blood dribbled down his new blazer. Having taken the beating of his life should have been the worst of the night, but it wasn't. As was fitting in this pathetic man's story, he had also lost the one thing he cared for. She had gone with him, leaving the pathetic wretch to lie, soaked in his own blood and tears, to die. The wrenching pain in his stomach caused by multiple knife wounds created an unfamiliar cold, stinging pain. He found that moving caused shoots of pain sharply up his entire frame, thus he decided to live out his last few minutes laying facedown and completely ashamed of himself.

Dreary, eh?		  
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Well, here I am   
10:00pm 04/02/2004
  Well, I must say I am underwhelmed by this site in general. It's put together all too shoddily, it hardly works, and the look it pathetic.... but yah, now that that is off of my chest... I'll rant a bit before bed.

So what happened today.... same old stuff I suppose. (I have the feeling this isn't going to be a very interesting first post, all the drama in my life was pre-christmas, now I'm just boring and happy.) I really do need to stop being so stressed out, and if I would just do my work I wouldn't have this problem. Casting for Madwoman is tomorrow.... ugh.. I want Ragpicker... but don't know if I'll be lucky enough to get it. The best part of the day, I must say, was going over to Kristin's house (as always). No matter how much I kiss her, I want to kiss her more. She has this crazy affect on me, it's great. Funny thing is, today Leanne was over, but of course that didn't stop me from attacking her every two seconds (some people, meaning me, have no modesty, heh). So yah... leaving was especially difficult today, really didn't want to, but I had to. Another cool thing that happened today was my mom getting her new Audi Roadster.... it's pretty sweet. She loves it, so I'm happy for her.

And this was the first entrance into my journal.... thank you and have a nice day.

"Do something positive, light a school on fire."
"I'm that guy you'll never be able to beat."		  
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